Friday, July 15, 2011

the blessing of a word in season

I had a bit of a whirlwind doctor appointment yesterday. Now that my appointments are so frequent, they feel fairly routine, and I usually look forward to going just to gain the reassurance that everything is still looking as it should. For some reason, I felt unusually anxious and unsettled yesterday as I waited to be seen by the doctor.

As she was measuring me, the doctor said that I was measuring a little below where I should be and she wanted me to have a sonogram to check the baby's growth. We have been DYING to have another sonogram, but, knowing we'd only get one at this point if something were potentially wrong, we tried to appreciate the fact that not having one meant all was well. Thus we went with mixed emotions to see our little peanut.

The first thing the sonographer said was that the baby's head is up. We were really surprised because just a few weeks ago the doctor had said it felt like she was head down, so I had thought we didn't have to worry about the whole breech thing. After taking measurements, the sonographer said that the baby is measuring small for how many weeks pregnant I am. Everything else looked good.

We anxiously awaited the doctor to help us make sense of all this. The doctor popped in briefly and shared in our disappointment that her head is up, meaning I will likely have to have a c-section. I know there are worse things, but the more I think about it, the more disappointed I feel. She also said she wants me to see a specialist to make sure the flow through the umbilical cord is healthy and isn't the reason the baby isn't growing as quickly as expected. When she uttered the words "high-risk ob," I sort of panicked inside. Why on earth am I suddenly high-risk?!

Deep down, I know that God has had plans for this little one from the beginning. I have, in theory, already learned that He is in control of her life and well-being and that I can rest in the knowledge of His love and sovereignty. In theory. However, as the day went on, and then the night, I found my mind wandering to the Places Where I Know Better Than to Let It Go as I worried about all the potential problems and things that could happen. Then this morning, I let my mind go a Little Further Still down the Completely Wrong Path of worrying not just about what's happening know but what the implications could be for the future and for our family if something is Terribly Wrong. And just that quickly, my meditations turned from the knowledge of the Lord's sovereignty and goodness to the fear of all the Terribly Wrong Things that could happen now and in the future.

That's when I got the most wonderful e-mail this morning from a godly woman who serves in our Sunday school class. As I've been reading my Bible in my quiet time lately, I've had a hard time feeling God's presence and discerning what He wants me to see or learn. I think God allowed this to happen so that I would see my need for the support and encouragement of other believers. Her reminder that God never intended for me to carry the burdens of worry that I heap upon myself was exactly what I needed to hear; I felt God piercing my heart and going right where I needed Him to go, as He always does.

I am so thankful for this double blessing of God's continued, faithful reassurance and comfort paired with the reminder that we cannot do this alone. He intends for us to use what we learn to bless and encourage others, as well as to be willing to receive some of His blessings through what others share with us in obedience to Him. How many blessings must I miss out on in my stubborn attempts to "do life" alone! Praise God for believers like this sweet woman from my church who, in their obedience to Him, are willing to share a word in season:

Isaiah 50:4:
The Lord has given me the tongue of the learned,
That I should know how to speak a word in season to Him who is weary...

1 comments:

Kristin said...

I know "high risk" can be scary... both of my pregnancies were high risk and c-sections - if there's any help or advice I can offer, I'd be MORE than happy. If it helps at all, both of my babies were happy and healthy and while "high risk" can be scary, you get MUCH more detailed and devoted attention... lots more pictures of baby girl too. :) I prayed A LOT and I tried to focus on the positives... like all of the pictures. And, as for the c-section, my biggest positive I can share with you is you wont be totally exhausted after 49385349 hours of labor when you finally get to meet your little miracle. I have friends who barely remember the first day of their little one's lives because of how long and hard their labors were. Recovery is a little harder but it's totally doable. I will continue covering you, Chris, and baby girl in prayer. Let me know if there's anything else I can do. Love you much!